the girl with the mask

i have been reading a new book Grace For The Good Girl at a perfect time.  i can honestly tell you my life has not been that of a "good girl", but i follow emily's blog, chatting at the sky.  her messages are inspiring and her words captivating, so i picked up her book.  changes are happening in our household.  i am having a hard time wrapping my mind around them and wondering what our outcome will be.  i am the type of person that immediately wants to adjust everything "just in case" the worse happens.

growing up i did not have the childhood of most children.  a single mother who worked two jobs to make ends meet and a father who was no where to be found, nor did he want anything to do with me.  while reading the book i read a story of a friend of emily's.  one who had some rough times in her life early on.  as a result she wore a mask.  this mask enabled her to hide her fears and appear to be so put together on the outside.  she worked extra hard to prove to those around her she could achieve at a high level and conquer anything she put her mind to.  she trusted no one but herself to determine her life success.  i could not have read all of this at a better time.  i have been that girl most of my life.  mask up and working hard to prove to everyone around me that i could do it despite my early challenges in life and i did.

my past comes back to haunt me at challenging times in my life.  i lack the ability to trust anyone but myself, when i know i can trust others around me.  most of all i can trust my husband but it is so hard for me to sit back and let things unfold.  i want to run ahead and put a y in the road and then check both ways to see which will be the best to go down. do we stay on the current path or veer off to see what the other road holds?  i fear change, i fear the unknown, i fear risk.  change is not always bad, it can lead to great new opportunities. 

time for this girl to take the mask down, face her fears, open her heart and mind and believe that God has a plan for my family.  we just need to listen.....