before i was a mom

Mothers day this year created much sadness in my heart along with pure joy. We went to visit grandma's grave on Saturday to take her some flowers. All morning I told Brady that we were going to take Gee Gee flowers. As we were driving out of the cemetary he said "Bye Bye Gee Gee, flowers." I started to cry. She would have given anything to hear him say her name. So Gee Gee I hope you were listening that morning. I miss you so much I hope you had a wonderful mothers day in heaven watching all of us.

On a happier note.......... carleen forwarded this great poem to me I absolutely love it because it truly expresses how I feel as a mother. The author is not listed on what I got or I would post that as well, whoever it is they must be a mother!

Before I was a Mom

Before I was a Mom
I made and ate hot meals.
I had unstained clothing.
I had quiet conversations on the phone.


Before I was a Mom,
I slept as late as I wanted
And never worried about how late I got into bed.
I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was a Mom
I cleaned my house each day.
I never tripped over toys or forgot words of lullabies.

Before I was a Mom
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations

Before I was a Mom
I had never been puked on
Pooped on
Spit on
Chewed on
Peed on
Or pinched by tiny fingers

Before I was a Mom I had complete control of:
My thoughts
My body
And my mind.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom
I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a Mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
Could make me feel so important.

Before I was a Mom
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
Every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay
I had never known the warmth
The joy
The love
The heartache
The wonder
Or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

Happy Mothers Day to all the mothers out there. How truly blessed we are to have the most important job in the world!

if you would have asked me yesterday

if you would have asked me yesterday i would have told you that my kids never go to bed when they are supposed to. today i would tell you that it is 8 pm and i am sitting here blogging and watching two and half men. yes kid less. both little guys are in bed sleeping peacefully at least for the next hour :) if you would have asked me yesterday if i ever thought brady would be watering our back garden or reading the sunday ads with daddy naming everything in sight and going crazy over the tractors in the sears ad. Or how everyday he goes to bed telling a different story of cars or vacuums or about play dates with friends. i wouldn't have believed that i would be so blessed to have such a bright young aspiring toddler in my life. if you would have asked me yesterday how logan was doing i wouldn't have been able to tell you that today he revealed his 15th different smile. all have a little different curve or quiver in the lip that only his mommy would know. if you would have asked my yesterday the pure joy i would feel in my heart as i snapped a picture of my boys all together, well i wouldn't have been able to share that with you either because i just did it tonight.

daddy day

well i finally did it, i let go....... only because i had to...... i was very ill.......but it all turned out okay and both of them survived. so now that i know i can watch out daddy.... there may be more of these to come. brady and daddy ventured up to fort collins yesterday without mommy for the rams game. mommy was up most of the night with what we will call a stomach bug. so i mustered up the energy to pack the snacks and the rest of the diaper bag and waved goodbye from my pillow. i was really too sick to worry all day, and needless to say brian called on his way home and said what a great day he and brady had at the game. a lesson for me, that it is okay to let go and i should do it when i am feeling good, so i can do some fun things for me! thanks daddy for giving mommy the day to nurse herself back to health :)

the mom who didn't get the memo

so let me start by saying there is no picture to this post mostly because of my shear embarrassment. brady and i are still both getting used to this school thing, apparently i need to find where they keep the announcements of what is going on the next week. as we drove to school this morning i was thinking how sad it was that brady did not attend on fridays because i figured the kids would be dressing up that day. oh to my surprise when we got there. i took brady to his room only to discover that he was the only child without his costume on. my heart broke. i know he is only 16 months and does not know the difference, but i felt pretty bad. i went back at 12:30 for the trick or treat parade and pumpkin hunting in the patch. he had a great time doing both and we just said he was a football player since he had his football outfit on today......... needless to say the teacher did tell me that it is portrait week next week, you can bet i won't miss that! at least i learned this tough lesson now and not when he was six years old and would have been traumatized when he was the only kid not dressed up. sorry little man, mommy will do her best to make sure this does not happen again.

first day of school

with all of his items properly labeled and all the things on the school list checked off, i think we might be ready to venture out the door. my anxiety about today has been mounting for sometime. like any parent wondering if i have made a good choice in schools, is now the time to do this. on top of all of this brady has been having a lot of mommy separation issues lately and i really don't want to damage him for life by forcing him into this too soon, so i can have a few hours to myself to you know get some stuff done. i want him to be social and experience new things and new friends but if you know me i am a control freak and wonder if anyone can do as good of a job as me, not that i do that great of a job........... after all i am still learning and will be for the rest of his life on how to be a good parent.

i digress.....

we loaded in the car and headed off. all the time i was wondering how angry brady was going to be at his mommy in the next fifteen minutes. we checked in and i gently removed his coat, but before i could finish he was on his way to hang at a table full of toys with the other kids. i walked over to the table kissed him on the head and said goodbye. i cried all the way down the hall and out to my car. i cried, brady did not. i rushed home to start all of my chores for fear that i would not be able to finish all of them before the school called and said to come get him early, we have been having that issue at my MOPS group lately....... i got all of my chores done though and i have to say that the silence of the house well it was quite weird, not sure that i liked it too much, but i am sure over time i will get used to it.

when i went to get him, miss carly his teacher said he did well for his first day, cried a couple of times but when she redirected his attention he was better. he also cried every time miss carly tried to leave the room. he got to sing songs and do an art project and play on the new playground and most of all he made some new friends. he survived so i survived. we will try it again next wednesday, hopefully it goes as well as this wednesday....... oh my little man is growing up, what is a mommy to do?

breaking all the rules, well because you can.........

there are very few times we get to break the rules.......and well not get in trouble.......that is until well grandma and grandpa leave and then reality sets back in. as much reality as you can get when you are sixteen months old. brady knows that mommy and daddy's cell phones and lap tops are off limits. yesterday i looked over and saw grandma letting brady play with her laptop and shortly there after she allowed brady to play with her cell phone. i warned her that we don't let brady play with those things but was told that is what grandma's are for......... i remember when i was a child and how much fun i had when i went to my grandparents house. ice cream at ten o clock at night was okay and watching soap operas was okay too, except for when i was warned to close my eyes and not peek...... this week having grandma and grandpa in town has brought me back to childhood and reminded me it is okay to break the rules every now and then and be a kid. sometimes i am too strict with brady. i need to remember to loosen up and let him explore things in life. objects are just objects and can be replaced, but memories and experiences well that is what shapes a person and we should all be allowed to stumble now and then or do something we are not supposed to because that is how we learn. so...... thank you grandma and grandpa smith for grounding me this week..... you have undoubtedly helped me to be a better parent to our little peanut.

oh where, oh where has my little angel gone?

well today was a trying day for me, that might even be an understatement. my little angel has gone somewhere and i can't seem to find him! brady and i have had our fair share of trying days but today was the topper. i can't seem to do anything to keep him happy, aside from holding him or giving him 100% of my attention. i can't even look out our back window at the birdies at the restaurant without him freaking out. what's that i can't color while i eat my breakfast? well then i think i will just throw a tantrum right here in my high chair. mommy if you think you are going to talk to the insurance company right now while i am eating my lunch or check your emails well, you are mistaken, you need to sit right there and watch me put every last piece of grahm cracker in my mouth and if you even blink, well i might freak out. tonight we went outside to do sidewalk chalk, it was time to come in and we just threw a temper tantrum right on the front porch. if you live within three miles you may have heard this episode. i couldn't help but cry tonight when brian got home. i feel like i am doing something wrong as a parent. i can't stand to hear my child cry or worry about him bothering others so i always try to be attentive to his every need no matter how silly it may be. some would say that is my down fall and now his. i am sure this is just the start of what will continue through the toddler years, i just hope that i learn how to handle it better than today. maybe some tougher skin or ear plugs are in order?

uh oh

Well I must say I knew this day would come. Since we use "uh oh" in our house more than no, Brady has now adopted the phrase and made it a part of his vocabulary. Yes it is cute to hear him say it maybe one or twice, but 50 times in a day gets a little old, but I guess one could say that is probably close to as many times as he hears me say it. Turn about is fairplay I guess............ uh oh!

Why kids turn out the way they do

I was given an interesting article by a family member the other day. Lord knows I am one of those parents that is always searching for the best answer or best advice to raise our son into the best he can be. The headline for the article was "DNA discoveries reveal why even the best parenting doesn't always have the results experts promise." That immediately caught my attention. The article stated in about thirty percent of children their DNA coils carry a glitch. This specific glitch is on that leaves their brains with a few dopamine receptors, molecules that act as docking ports for one of the neurochemicals that carry our thoughts and emotions. The article states that lack of these causes an inability to avoid self-destructive behavior, and children that are lacking these are unable to learn from their mistakes. It also stated in their findings that children with a sweet temperament are the least likely to emulate their parents and the lessons they teach, while fussy kids are the most likely to do so. I have a really hard time believing all of this, although some may be true, I still think that you as a parent play a crucial role in the development of your child. I can see how genetics may factor in, but I also think that you are a role model for your child. They watch everything you do and listen to everything you say. Some kids may react differently to parenting style than others, that is called personality. All us parents (especially first time ones), are looking for the perfect parenting answer and the truth is, there isn't one. A dear friend of mine who I call for advice often always has said to me "there is no right way, you just have to do what works for you." For that quote and you know who you are thank you, I remind myself of that everyday when I think I am doing something the wrong way. Here is my advice for the world..... Get up every morning and start your day fresh with your child. Do they best that you know you can everyday and remember along the way that you are human and you are going to make mistakes..... The good news is we are the only parents our children have and they don't know if what we are doing is right or wrong, and realize that you are going to learn how to be a parent along the way through trials and tribulations. Our children need love, attention, patience and understanding. If you give them this everyday the world will be a better place.

Life's cutest moments not caught on tape

Recently Brian (my husband) and Brady my son have been going on nightly bike rides, to give mommy a break. Daddy pulls Brady in his "chariot" behind the bike. At first we were not sure if he really liked it or not. Tonight daddy was preparing for their bike ride and came back in the house with his helmet on to get Brady. Brady was playing on the floor and as soon as he looked up at daddy and saw his bike helmet, he dropped everything he was doing and crawled over to daddy as quickly as he could and held his hands up to be piked up. His legs were kicking with excitement as daddy lifted him. So I guess he really does like those bike rides. I am so glad that I get to witness all of Brady's cutest moments and cherish every last one of them. Now that is what being a parent is all about.